It’s a situation many women have experienced: you’re in a relationship or getting to know a guy, and suddenly, he pulls away.
Your first instinct might be to chase after him, trying to figure out what went wrong. But guess what?
That’s probably the last thing you should do.
In fact, when a man pulls away, the best thing to do is nothing. That’s right – nothing at all. By not chasing after him, you’re actually sending a powerful message about your worth and value as a woman.
Taking a step back in these difficult moments displays a number of qualities that are essential for a healthy and balanced relationship.
Firstly, it demonstrates that you’re not overly dependent on the relationship for your happiness and well-being.
While it might seem counterintuitive, allowing space for both of you to process your thoughts and concerns can also be a sign of true emotional strength.
When you do nothing, you’re showing that you’re capable of standing strong even when everything isn’t picture-perfect in your relationship.
Want to know how feminine you naturally are? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!
Key Takeaways
- Doing nothing when a man pulls away signals your value and emotional strength
- Allowing space in the relationship serves as healthy emotional balance
- Demonstrating independence from the relationship promotes overall happiness and well-being
When He Pulls Away Do Nothing: Some Reasons Why This WORKS
- It Allows for self-reflection: By doing nothing when he pulls away, you give him the space he needs to process his thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This could eventually lead to a stronger connection once he realizes the depth of his feelings for you.
- Maintaining a healthy independence: Not constantly chasing after him or trying to force a connection serves to show that you value your independence. Men appreciate being with a woman who has her own life and interests outside of the relationship.
- It encourages autonomy in the couple: Allowing him to take a step back shows that you respect his need for individuality, which is essential for a healthy relationship. This encourages a sense of autonomy for both partners.
- Avoidance of negative emotions: Reacting impulsively to his pulling away can instigate unnecessary negative emotions like anger or resentment. Doing nothing, on the other hand, minimizes emotional turmoil and allows for a more balanced approach.
- You’re able to build your resilience: By accepting that men pull away at times and not reacting to these periods of distance, you strengthen your patience and resilience in relationships.
- It enhances positive communication: In giving him space to process, you encourage openness in your relationship as it indicates you’re willing to listen when he is ready to share his thoughts and feelings.
- It’s a sign of trust: Trusting that he will return after pulling away communicates to him your confidence in the relationship and your belief in his potential to overcome whatever is causing the distance.
- It fosters mutual love and respect: Demonstrating understanding and empathy when he pulls away builds a relationship foundation of mutual love and respect. This leads to better relationship outcomes in the long run.
As always, try to remember that men might pull away due to various circumstances, such as work stress, personal issues, or past experiences in relationships.
None of it feels positive to you, but you can at least try to respect his reasons for needing to pull away, yes?
Understanding the root causes and respecting his need for space can transform your relationship into a deeper, more meaningful connection where he trusts you.
Now we’re going to give you 5 primary reasons why we recommend that when he pulls away do nothing.
1: It Shows That You’re Happy Within Yourself
I can’t stress enough the importance of remaining confident and happy within yourself when a man pulls away.
This is definitely easier said than done if you have insecure attachment (which means you have anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, or disorganized attachment style).
MORE: 16 Shocking Signs Of Attachment Issues In Adults + 4 Steps To Heal.
Being insecurely attached can make staying happy within yourself challenging. if you’re unsure of your core attachment style, I recommend taking our women-specific quiz to find out:
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Now let’s talk more about why it’s important to maintain happiness and confidence.
The truth is, you don’t need to chase him or force him to be with you. Instead, try to be comfortable being with yourself and be happy in your own skin, whether you’re alone or mingling with others.
When a guy pulls away, it can be tough to resist the urge to immediately chase after him. But by doing so, you’re reinforcing the idea that your happiness is dependent on him.
It’s vital to show both to yourself and your man that you can be content without him by your side all the time.
Not only does this demonstrate your sense of internal security and self-confidence, but it also communicates that you have a life of your own.
This can be incredibly attractive to a man, as it indicates you aren’t reliant on him for your happiness.
Instead, you’re able to bring value to the relationship rather than seeking constant validation. A great example of this can be found in the advice in this article, where we recommend exact steps for how to be high value when a man pulls away.
If you want specific steps for your unique situation, I suggest you check out this program by our Renée on “How To Stay High Value When A Man Pulls Away”.
(The promise of this course is for you to learn the secret to showing up & staying as a high value woman when your man pulls away, so that he can come back to you with more interest, more desire & more appreciation for you.)
By focusing on your own interests and maintaining a strong sense of self, you can avoid the trap of becoming needy or desperate.
And that’s something most men find incredibly appealing!
Never forget that being able to spend time alone or enjoying the company of others is a sign of a healthy, well-rounded individual.
The more you show this side of yourself, the more secure your relationship will become. As long as you don’t get too extreme with telegraphing your independence (you don’t want to do that as that works against you as well. Because it shows a man that he’s not needed).
When your man begins to realize that you’re not completely dependent on him for happiness, he may find himself drawn back to you.
It’s essential not to use this as a manipulation tactic, but simply a natural by-product of being a strong, emotionally resilient woman.
Keep in mind that it’s completely normal for men to need time alone, as emphasized by Dateworks, and it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem.
Remember, when he pulls away, do nothing. Focus on yourself, your happiness, and your interests. Doing so will not only make you more attractive to your partner but will also help you build a strong, secure foundation for your own well-being.
2: It Shows That You’re Not A Control Freak
A man pulling away from you may cause a bit of chaos in your mind, so much that you want to try very hard to pull him back into the relationship with you.
But you might be surprised to know that when guys pull away, choosing to do nothing can actually be a powerful approach to signal your value and to strengthen your relationship.
This is particularly true in terms of showing your guy that you’re not a control freak.
So, what exactly is a control freak?
It’s a person who has an obsession with getting things done their way and may become distressed when there is any deviation from their preferred course of action.
In relationships, this can translate to an unhealthy need to micro-manage, manipulate or decide every aspect of your partner’s life.
Being controlling can result in pushing your partner away and potentially damaging the connection you share.
By doing nothing when a guy pulls away, you’re demonstrating to him that your relationship isn’t built on control.
You’re showing that you respect his autonomy and independence, which can make your relationship stronger.
Remember, a strong foundation in a relationship is built on trust and giving each other space to grow individually, without feeling stifled or controlled.
A lot of people forget that when they get really involved with someone! But this sense of mutual trust is something you should prioritize no matter what.
Why?
Because without trust, you don’t have a relationship!
Taking a step back gives your man the chance to reflect, reassess, and potentially come back to you stronger than before.
Related: 13 Sad Signs He Will NEVER Come Back.
Patience and understanding are virtues that not only build resiliency in a relationship, but can also help deepen the emotional connection you share.
So, when faced with the challenge of a man pulling away, remind yourself that doing nothing is actually an act of love and strength, not passivity.
(You’re only being passive if you are. if you’re acting out of respect, that’s different. And he will feel it.)
So:
Trusting the process and staying calibrated are all powerful expressions of self-assurance and healthy self esteem that can make a world of difference when it comes to how your guy perceives you.
One of the lesser-known techniques in being successful in doing nothing when a guy pulls away, is to shift your focus onto yourself.
Reinvest your time and energy into your other relationships, your interests, hobbies, and self-care, all of which demonstrate a strong sense of personal identity (separate from the relationship) that your man will be drawn to.
When the time comes for your man to realize he misses you and wants to reconnect, he’ll appreciate that you respect his need for space.
For more on this, see: 7 Genius Ways To Make Him Miss You Through Text.
#3: It Shows That You’re Truly A High Value Woman
When a guy pulls away, doing nothing can feel counterintuitive.
But, believe it or not, this approach demonstrates that you are a high value woman. I can personally attest to the power of this unorthodox advice. Here’s why:
When you choose not to chase or bombard him with messages, you are showing that you value yourself and know your worth.
High value women understand that they don’t need to fight for attention or validation.
In fact, they know that they are deserving of love and respect regardless of anyone else’s actions.
Take, for example, a situation where a man starts growing distant after a few weeks of dating.
As a high value woman, instead of worrying or overthinking, you simply let him have his space and continue focusing on your own family, as well as your life, your interests, and friends.
This shows that you are self-sufficient and not relying on him for happiness or emotional support.
By doing nothing, you also maintain an air of mystery around yourself, piquing his curiosity and making him wonder what you’re up to.
This may very well encourage him to come back around and pursue you once more, as he realizes you are a confident woman who doesn’t need to chase after someone.
In contrast, if you were to immediately confront him about pulling away or if you were to seek constant reassurance from him, it would convey your insecurity, desperation and low value energy.
This isn’t always wrong to do: I want to make that clear.
We don’t expect you to be perfect.
But you don’t want to be always going to the actions that come from internal desperation if you know better.
Because this may push him further away, thwarting any chance of rebuilding the connection. Remember, high value women are capable of thinking critically and don’t always let fear dictate their actions.
By the way, I recommend you avoid the 7 common signs a woman is low value in the eyes of men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report.(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Another benefit of doing nothing when a guy pulls away is that it sets healthy boundaries in the relationship.
By not chasing him, you demonstrate that you respect his need for space and expect the same in return. This establishes a solid foundation for open communication and trust moving forward.
Revealed: Does He Need Space Or Is He Done? 10 Revealing Ways To Tell.
So next time you find yourself in a situation where a man pulls away, try doing nothing.
Embrace your status as a high value woman, and let your actions (or lack thereof) speak for themselves. The result might just surprise you and lead to a more secure, loving relationship.
#4: You Show That You’re Capable Of Respecting His Space
Respecting his space is essential for inspiring him to want a healthy, long-lasting committed relationship with you.
Firstly, remember that giving him space doesn’t mean abandoning the relationship.
It’s about showing him you have trust in him to work through whatever he is experiencing. Just as you need time for yourself, so does he. Show empathy and understanding towards his needs.
Secondly, fill your time with enjoyable activities and maintain your own interests. When you give him space, show that you have a life outside of him.
This exclusive focus on your personal growth means he won’t feel smothered or pressured, enhancing the overall health of the relationship.
Additionally, maintain open communication when necessary but don’t push for immediate answers.
HuffPost suggests letting him know you’re there for him without pushing for meetings or actions on his part. Allow him the time to process emotions and thoughts.
In line with open communication, remember to actively listen when he does open up.
Actively listening requires not just hearing, but understanding and validating his feelings. By doing so, you’re showing that you trust his ability to communicate when he’s ready.
Furthermore, try to embrace independence in both your lives. This results in not only missing each other but also respecting the individual choices, ambitions, and goals each partner has.
When giving space, convey genuine support for one another’s separate journeys.
Moreover, avoid making assumptions about his need for space. Jumping to conclusions may lead to unnecessary stress and conflict. Instead, wait for him to initiate discussion or involve you.
Finally, remember that practice makes perfect – it may not be easy at first, but as you learn to respect his space and provide him the support he needs, your bond will grow stronger.
You’ll increasingly find comfort in the knowledge that giving space is a sign of love and trust, not a sign of disinterest or lack of commitment.
By following these guidelines, you can skillfully navigate through the moments when your man needs space, ultimately fostering a healthy relationship dynamic.
#5: It Shows Your Character
Character is defined as the mental and moral qualities that make someone unique. Now, let’s talk about why doing nothing when a man pulls away demonstrates your character.
Firstly, when a man pulls away and you do nothing, it shows that you possess the strength and fortitude to weather through challenging situations when things don’t go your way.
Everyone encounters tough times in relationships, but how you respond during these moments defines your character.
Secondly, your ability to remain calm and collected during these trying times demonstrates your emotional intelligence.
Instead of reacting impulsively or desperately, you’re able to step back, take a deep breath, and understand that sometimes people need space. This emotional maturity is an indication of a strong character.
Moreover, when you do nothing, it can inspire a sense of trust in the man. By not pushing or pursuing him, you communicate that you are confident in yourself and the relationship. This can often provide reassurance to a man who may be feeling uncertain or hesitant.
Another important aspect is that doing nothing allows you to focus on yourself.
Rather than obsessing over the situation, you’re able to channel your energy into personal growth and self-improvement.
This sends a message that you are a well-rounded individual who values their own life and happiness, which is an attractive quality in a person.
Furthermore, by not reacting negatively or creating additional drama, you display a level of patience and understanding, qualities highly valued in any partner.
This can foster feelings of respect and admiration from the man, as it shows your ability to handle difficult situations with grace, which all contribute to a positive impression of your character!
Interestingly, doing nothing creates an opportunity for the man to take responsibility for his actions and emotions.
This gives him a chance to reflect on his feelings and thoughts and come to terms with them. You’re providing him with the space to return to the relationship with clarity and a renewed sense of commitment.
Lastly, remember that when it comes to demonstrating strong character to a man, actions often speak louder than words.
By doing nothing, you’re allowing the man to see firsthand the strong, resilient, and emotionally intelligent person that you are. This can speak volumes and ultimately strengthen your connection.
How To Deal with Uncertainty and Red Flags
If you’re in a committed relationship with a guy, it’s to be expected that he’ll pull away at one point or another, even just to go to work.
It’s important to remain calm in moments of uncertainty. When you feel someone pulling away, don’t panic. Reacting too strongly may only push them further away.
Instead, focus on the good and positive aspects of your life as well as your interests, which can help to alleviate your anxious feelings.
Sometimes, the reason for him withdrawing can be due to a fear of commitment or a love for his freedom.
Try to remember that his withdrawal may not always be a reflection of you or your actions. It can be, but it’s definitely not always because of your actions. Guys have their reasons for what they do. I am sure you could agree with that?
If you feel unsure about whether you should wait around for him because you don’t know how committed he is to your relationship, I suggest you take our free quiz to find out how serious he is about you:
What else can you do to deal with the uncertainty?
Identifying possible red flags in your relationship can help guide you on how to deal with this uncertainty.
Red flags are signs the person may not be able to maintain a healthy relationship, and it’s crucial to be aware of them.
MORE: 9 Unusual Red Flags In Men: NEVER Ignore These!
One red flag to watch out for is a lack of communication. If he’s distancing himself and unwilling to discuss any issues openly, this is a potential problem.
In this case, continue to focus on your own needs and communicate your feelings in a non-confrontational manner.
Addressing any toxic behaviors in your relationship is vital.
If you find that certain patterns lead to him pulling away, try to address those issues without sabotaging your relationship.
It’s essential to remain honest with yourself and recognize any unhealthy habits you both may have.
Walking away must also be considered when red flags persist and significantly impact your emotional well-being.
Keep in mind that self-care is crucial, and sometimes leaving an unhealthy relationship is the most loving action you can take for yourself.
Final Words
When a guy pulls away, often doing nothing is often the best course of action. This might seem counter to what you think would serve you personally, but it’s important to remember that people, especially men, need space to process their emotions and thoughts.
So, let’s explore the reasons why doing nothing can be the right move.
First, by not chasing after a man who is pulling away, you are showing him that you respect his need for space and time to think. This can translate into trust and emotional security, which are essential to maintaining a healthy relationship.
Second, it’s important to understand that men might pull away due to external stressors unrelated to the relationship. In these cases, it’s crucial to give him the space he needs to navigate those issues.
As you let him have his space, focus on yourself and your own growth. This will not only demonstrate your emotional intelligence and your character, but also help you become a more attractive and well-rounded woman.
Embrace this time to pursue your other relationships, other interests and passions, and remember that self-care is key.
Additionally, avoid making crucial decisions about your relationship during the initial 48 hour period. It’s essential to let the dust settle before making any major decisions about the future of your relationship.
One common mistake women tend to make is trying to win a man back by being overly attentive and accommodating. However, doing this can be counterproductive and even push him away even further.
In the meantime, remember to manage your expectations and be patient. People are complex, and it’s natural for relationships to have their ups and downs.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you respond when a guy pulls away?
When a guy starts to pull away, it’s essential for you to stay calm and self-soothe to prevent any overreactions or panic. Instead of pushing for more communication, give him the space he needs; it’s likely he’ll appreciate your understanding and return when he’s ready.
When he pulls away, should I do the same?
Absolutely. When he pulls away, you should pull away too. Trying to fight for his attention won’t do you any good, and it could push him even further away. Trust that if he’s truly interested in your relationship, he’ll return when he’s ready.
MORE: When He Acts Interested Then Backs Off, Why & 6 Powerful Things To Do.
How to give him space when he withdraws?
When a guy withdraws, respect his need for space and avoid bombarding him with messages or invitations. Instead, focus on yourself and use the opportunity to grow and develop your own interests. By doing this, you demonstrate that you’re a high-value person, making it more likely he’ll come back.
How long do guys typically pull away for?
There isn’t a specific timeframe for how long a guy may pull away, as it depends on the individual and the situation. It could be a few days, weeks, or even months. It’s important to be patient and understanding during this time.
What’s the best action to take when a guy pulls away?
The best action to take is to do nothing. This allows him to work on himself and the issues he might be dealing with. By giving him this space, he may eventually realize the value of your relationship and come back.
Do guys often pull away when they develop feelings?
Yes, some men pull away when they develop feelings because they are scared of their emotions or need time to process them. It’s not uncommon for men to withdraw in order to figure out what they truly want from the relationship.
Penny is a writer and part time dating coach. She lives in Brisbane, Queensland with the love of her life, their two daughters and their three dogs. Penny is passionate about helping women realize their high value and harness the innate feminine energy that they were born with.