If you’re in love with a man who’s pulling away, you’re probably feeling like absolute garbage right now.
I’ve been there, and it’s a truly painful experience.
Now I know there’s no way I can be there by your side, wiping away your tears while you try to read this.
But what I can do is share some very good news with you.
Your value is not decreased by him pulling away.
In fact, if you play this the right way and avoid various common and damaging mistakes, you can greatly increase your value.
Here’s how to be high value when he pulls away.
#1. Focus On Your Best Memories
We’ve all had a day or two when we felt like Wonder Woman.
I want you to close your eyes and take a deep breath, try to empty your mind and just focus on yourself.
Think back to that time when you were feeling at your absolute best.
It can be a time when you were the center of attention and aroused feelings of admiration and love in those around you.
I’ll give my example.
Last year I was dating a guy I liked a lot. He began to pull away and I felt pretty rubbish. I was devastated and without strength.
In fact, I was unable to leave the house for a few days.
Then I started thinking back to my most powerful and positive memories.
I realized that it wasn’t really him who had lowered my value, it was me making the decision to believe a negative story I was telling myself in my head.
Recommended: How to Pull Away to Make Him Want YOU.
I decided to change that story:
I thought back to the day I played an important role as a boy in a Shakespeare play when I was about 12 years old.
Many had no idea who the ‘boy’ was who performed so well on that stage and who was given a standing ovation as soon as the play was over.
I actually had no idea who they were all applauding at first, but when I saw everyone applauding me and congratulating me for the performance, I realized that it was me who was getting all the recognition.
You’re also worthy of attention and applause. Don’t ever forget that.
By the way, did you know that there are specific things you can do to increase your physical and emotional attractiveness infinitely? CLICK Here to Learn How to Become the World’s Most Attractive & Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention…)
#2. Make Your Own Decisions
After thinking back to the best moments when you were recognized for who you are, bring yourself back to this present moment.
Pay attention to your perceptions and feelings about what life is offering you at this moment.
I’m not only talking about this man who is pulling away from you, I’m also talking about other things too.
Like what? Like everything including banal situations, such as what to eat for breakfast, and even more complex circumstances, such as setting the course of your professional career.
Start observing your day-to-day choices and paying attention to your decision-making process.
Specifically, take full responsibility for all your choices and decisions. Don’t let a man or anyone else take you in a direction that feels toxic or wrong for your self esteem and happiness.
Now:
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t allow yourself to be feminine and surrender to a trustworthy man, but I am asking you to take responsibility for your actions and choices.
This is the one way to grow your self esteem, especially during hard times.
Ask yourself:
- How many decisions are you making for yourself?
- What are you letting other people decide for you?
If you want to know how to be high value when he pulls away, you need to take full ownership of your decisions as well as the meaning you place upon what happens.
To make one’s own decisions is to be true to yourself. It’s one of the strongest indications that you have high self-esteem and are seizing your own destiny.
It’s the most powerful proof that you trust yourself and your reasoning power.
Give voice to your identity by making and owning your own decisions.
#3. Connect to Your Feminine Power
If there is one thing that you need to do for yourself (but also to become more emotionally attractive to men), it is to connect deeper with your femininity.
MORE: How to be More Feminine: 13 Femininity Traits Make Men Crush On You.
When you connect with your feminine energy, you fill your soul up and allow yourself to be who you really are.
As a woman, you are most likely more identified with your feminine energy than your masculine energy, but in today’s fast-paced and goal-oriented world, many of us priorotize our masculine more than our feminine.
This leaves us feeling deeply unhappy, unfulfilled and sometimes even unattractive.
But since most women are feminine at their core, you will feel much more high value, powerful and attractive if you can connect to your feminine energy.
Your feminine vulnerability especially, can ignite feelings of emotional attraction in men and connection with them on a deeper level.
Here’s a video from Renée on How to be More Feminine in 4 Simple Steps:
So, connect with your femininity for yourself but also to feel more attractive and high value to men.
Usually, it is the women who feel like they always have to be in control who never feel fully connected to their feminine.
Not to mention, needing to be in control is one of the top ways women push men away.
A man doesn’t really value a woman who is in control, but rather, a woman who can let go and connect to her vulnerable feminine energy.
Now:
Are there some men who prefer masculine women, or women who are in control?
Yes, but not the majority of men, especially masculine men.
Would you like to find out how feminine you are day-to-day? You’re in luck because we have a quick quiz that will tell you just that!
#4. Raise Your Sense of Esteem By Embracing Your Discomfort Zone
I have to confess that there is nothing more delicious than staying in the comfort zone.
Languishing on the couch, eating junk food and having spa days feels great.
But there’s not a lot of growing that happens in the comfort zone.
No one progressed from lying in a splendid crib other than Cinderella.
So the point of doing something that makes you uncomfortable is to gain the feeling of success and esteem.
This feeling of greater success and self esteem makes you more resourceful and able to deal with the stress and pain of a man pulling away.
You absolutely should be on a quest to become comfortable and secure in your decisions and your life.
But the way to do that is not to seek out more comfort, it’s to squarely face your discomfort zone and learn to thrive in it.
You know that voice of intuition that screams inside you
“There is something better for you!”
Well, listen to it!
Stop settling for mediocrity and other people’s crumbs and focus on getting the whole pie.
You’ll find your greatest successes in the midst of your biggest challenges, so learn to make close friends with your discomfort zone.
Why?
Because this will raise your self esteem, making you believe in your own worth!
So what can you do that will move you beyond your comfort zone and raise your self esteem?
Do anything that scares you or that you resist doing!
Some examples:
- Give more of your emotional energy to your child(ren)
- Take that dance or pilates class you’ve been meaning to take
- Offer value to a friend
- Connect with a family member
- Learn something you always wanted to learn about but felt too lazy to learn, like finances, health, parenting, or philosophy.
#5. Cultivate The Art & Skill Of Playfulness
In keeping with the theme of the previous tip, one of the BEST things you can do to empower yourself when a man pulls away, is to cultivate the art of playfulness!
Since you feel like him pulling away is a very serious threat to your feeling of security, one way to make yourself more emotionally resourceful is to see the humor in your vulnerability, or your worry, and even find a way to be playful about it.
Playfulness is one of the skills we recommend for women when getting close to men, because instead of reacting to his actions in fear, we can inspire him to feel emotionally attracted to us with our playfulness instead.
One of these skills of playfulness is the dark feminine art of high value banter.
Would you like to know one playful thing you can say to him that will capture his attention, raise your value and give you the chance to express your dislike for his pulling away?
#6. Reevaluate Your Way of Seeing Things & Redirect Anxiety
If you’re anything like me, then I’m sure you can remember various situations in your life in which your negative thoughts ruined everything.
For me, being overly suspicious of one partner cheating even led me to have severe anxiety that turned out to be completely unwarranted and eventually ruined the relationship between us.
Put your memory to work and remember those times where your overly negative thoughts lead to bad outcomes.
I bet there were times when you spent hours or days, imagining that the worst was going to happen.
But in the end, nothing actually happened and any negative effects you did experience were from your own mind and suspicions!
To learn to value yourself, you need to get rid of these negative and dysfunctional thoughts.
Thoughts like this are destructive!
I know that you may feel like there’s a legitimate threat to your relationship, or that he might actually be doing the worst – but most of the time, that’s not actually the case.
And even if the worse were true, remember that your excessive negativity is only stripping you of all your energy, your time and your sense of joy and self respect.
Plus, it’s bad for the hair, which can fall out from the excess anxiety and worry, not to mention your nails from being chewed on.
MORE: New Relationship Anxiety: 9 Crippling Symptoms, Causes & How to Overcome It.
The key to learning how to be high value when he pulls away is learning to quietly direct your energy away from excessive negativity to building your value.
If you pretend the worry isn’t there, that’s not going to work. But what you can do, is redirect that energy from anxiety and worry towards adding value to yourself and your life.
This is one thing that will really make you a high value woman when he pulls away.
So, how can you redirect anxiety?
- Connect with family, animals and friends
- Read a great (fiction or non fiction) book that allows you to feel connected to someone else’s story, and resonate with another person’s feeling
- Learn to self soothe anxious attachment; and
- Do some journaling to let out your pent up anxiety and stress!
Doing these things will replace the negative voice inside yourself that tells you you’re not good enough or did something wrong.
Whenever you notice the anxiety trying to consume all your available energy, remember that you’re stronger than that.
Be attentive not to fall into the traps that the mind creates.
Also, if you’d like to know the exact steps to be high value when a man pulls away, for every scenario in which men pull away, let me invite you to our popular program “How To Stay High Value When He Pulls Away”.
(The promise of this course is for you to learn the secret to showing up & staying as a high value woman when your man pulls away, so that he can come back to you with more interest, more desire & more appreciation for you.)
#7. Learn How To Take Compliments
If you want to know how to be high value when he pulls away, learn how to take a compliment.
They’re very good for the soul, and knowing that you’re beautiful and seen by others does a world of good for your self-confidence.
In the past, I was one of those who didn’t comfortably accept a compliment.
Today I make a point of welcoming compliments with open arms.
Learn how to internalize any positive compliments and appreciation you receive, by giving the praise the same acknowledgement in return.
Be grateful for, and accept the good things that others see in you.
Compliments are kindnesses, which you must embrace.
Here’s a fun little exercise you can do for yourself:
I want you to choose a mirror that you usually look into every day and with the help of a beautiful red lipstick, write at least 10 positive qualities about yourself.
These are to be one to three words each.
I started with 10 words in the bathroom mirror at home, and today I have a picture in my room with more than 30 power-packed adjectives that reminds me of the high value woman I am every day.
#8. Be Kinder To Yourself, Even If You Made Mistakes With Him
Life is not perfect, relationships are not perfect, and it’s okay if you make a mistake.
You need to know how to live with lightness, and sometimes that means accepting when you trip and fall.
Other times it means accepting that a situation has not gone your way, through no fault of your own.
Be faithful to yourself and true to your heart. Have wisdom and patience when dealing with the disappointments of life.
The truth about how to be high value when he pulls away is to know that you are worth being kind to!
And know that even your worst moments are just stepping stones on the path to who you are becoming tomorrow.
Everything is a learning process.
Don’t leave control of your life in the hands and hearts of other people.
That’s a sacred responsibility you leave only to yourself.
Knowing Your Own Value
I know how difficult it is to deal with a man pulling away when you have feelings for him.
It can seem like the most disempowering experience in the world, but it’s just this moment that you can learn how to be high value when he pulls away.
It is possible to get back on your feet and build yourself into an even stronger woman right in the midst of this storm.
If you want to know how to be high value when he pulls away, pick two things from the 8 steps above, and do these two things today!
Nothing else can replace you taking action and nobody can take away who you become through taking such action.
Any high-value man will be back when he sees that you respect and love yourself at a deep and unchanging level.
Want to know the funny part?
Sometimes, especially if you and a guy are not meant to be, the guy comes back, and you’ve done so much internal work that you’ve well and truly moved on!
Imagine that!
And other times, it will blossom into something truly beautiful, because you learned not how to react through your fears, but instead learned to truly value yourself and what you want.
Joice Gondim is a relationship writer based in Brazil. She holds a degree in communications and digital marketing, and has a passion for understanding male and female psychology and promoting personal wellbeing and self-development.