Are you in a relationship with a guy who just won’t commit?
You might have been together for quite some time and yet, you still feel like he will never take the next big step.
You might be feeling frustrated and confused about how to get him to commit to a serious relationship with you.
Well, no need to worry – we’ve got the ultimate how-to guide for you.
Read on to find out how to get him to commit in 12 genius steps, plus 2 mistakes you must avoid at all costs!
Key takeaways on how to get him to commit:
- Show him how important commitment is to you
- Show you trust him by giving him space
- Set clear boundaries and expectations
- Let yourself be vulnerable in the relationship
- Communicate openly with him even when things aren’t in your favor
- Support his mission as a masculine man
- Build a deep connection
- Be conscious of any disconnects in the relationship
- Offer him a safe place to fall and to be himself
- Don’t assume the commitment talk will do the job for you
- Keep clear boundaries with male friends
- Deal with any commitment issues you or he may have
#1: Help Him Understand How Important Commitment Is To you
The first step on how to make him commit is showing your man how important his commitment is to you.
It’s tempting to try to guilt him into committing or appealing to his sense of obligation, but these never feel good for him (not to mention they are highly manipulative ways of trying to get a man to commit!)
Instead, be authentic and let him know that his emotional commitment is something you really value from him and that it’s important for you to take the next step.
This can be done in subtle ways such as:
- Letting him know he’s the only man for you
- Telling him that committing to each other would make you feel safe
- Making sure he feels how much your relationship means to you or dropping hints about how excited you are when other people commit and get married.
Ultimately, most men can’t really understand why commitment is so important to a woman, so take it upon yourself to help him understand that it’s important to you and why.
Just don’t expect him to perceive why it’s so important without your help.
#2: Show You Trust Him By Giving Him Space
…And not pressuring him.
It’s essential that you let him know that it’s ok if he needs time and that you’re not going to push him into making a commitment even though he may be far from ready.
Give him the freedom to make his own decision and show how much trust you have in him to make choices for the relationship that are best for you and him.
Of course, if you really don’t trust your man, you don’t want to fake trust for the sake of a ring.
That’s just deeply wrong and has bad long term consequences.
But if you really don’t trust him, share that feeling of uncertainty authentically and see if he’s willing to commit to alleviating it.
If he isn’t, if he doesn’t listen and just blames you or hates you for it, then is he really the man you want a commitment from?
A woman should trust her man, or at least be willing to try. Otherwise what’s the point of having him as your husband and father of your children?
At the same time as showing you are willing to trust him and give him space, make sure he understands how important it is for you to take the next step in your relationship.
He has to earn that trust, but show him that you need more from him in order to be happy and safe.
By showing him how important it is to you and giving him the space he needs, you’ll be able to get him to commit much more easily.
Because he’ll feel like you respect him as a man and as an individual.
Trying to guilt or coerce a man into committing usually involves disrespecting him in some way, so being willing to give him space is essential.
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#3: Set Clear Boundaries And Expectations
Make sure both of you are on the same page about what kind of commitment you’re looking for so there won’t be any confusion later on.
It’s important to set clear boundaries and expectations so that neither of you are disappointed or feel like you’re being taken advantage of.
This will also help him to understand how serious and committed you are about the relationship.
Here’s how to set clear boundaries:
- Make sure you both know what you’re in the relationship for (what needs you’re looking to meet)
- Discuss how much contact you want to have with each other
- Set expectations for how the relationship will evolve over time
- Talk about how you’d like to handle any disagreements or issues that arise in the future.
These boundaries and expectations should be revisited every now and then to make sure both of you are still on the same page.
Now, a little bit of advice: it can help to establish how likely your man actually is to commit to you, because sometimes our efforts to learn how to get him to commit can amount to nothing. Right?
So here’s what you can do. You can take our free quiz to work out how commitment-friendly your man actually is:
#4: Let Yourself Be Vulnerable In The Relationship
It’s hard to inspire a man’s commitment when you yourself aren’t willing to be totally vulnerable in the relationship.
Because a man will have a hard time trusting you.
So it’s important to be honest about how you feel about the relationship and let him know how serious you are about him, without sounding desperate.
Authenticity is ok, but don’t beg – it’s the begging that makes you look desperate.
Don’t keep your feelings bottled up – share them openly and express:
- How vulnerable you feel in the relationship
- How committed you are to making it work
- How much you care about your future together; and
- The costs that you’ve had to incur and the risks you feel you’re taking by staying with him without an official commitment
You can also talk about how much you care for your relationship together.
Acting on my suggestions above will make him feel more secure knowing how serious you are about committing and taking things further with him.
That’s right: if you want a man to be serious about you, you need to show him actively that you are willing to be serious about him.
You may think this is common sense, but often women try to get a man to commit whilst withholding their own vulnerability.
In other words, they want to learn how to make him commit – but are not willing to go so far as being totally vulnerable to him.
This makes them do things that push their man away, which is, as you can probably guess, not conducive to getting a man to commit!
By the way, if you’d like to learn the type of vulnerability that men see as valuable in a relationship, we have something very special for you.
This is one specific emotional trigger that inspires him to want to commit to you and take care of you forever.
#5: Communicate Openly With Him Even When Things Aren’t In Your Favor
…Don’t withhold communication as a way of controlling him.
Open and honest communication is an important part of any successful relationship.
You don’t want to be that girlfriend who drops off the radar whenever he doesn’t give you what you want.
You want to prove that you’re not going to be that toxic and childish in the future.
Because if you go down the road of toxicity, it won’t make a mature masculine man want to invest in you.
Communicating openly and regularly with each other will also help him feel more secure in the relationship as well.
#6: Support His Mission As A Masculine Man
How to get him to commit?
Well, it’s important to be supportive and encouraging of his ideas and mission.
No man wants a woman who disrespects his life mission, goals or masculine direction.
Even when you don’t like his ideas, at least show you’re willing to discuss them with him rather than criticizing his ideas.
If every time he shares an idea with you, you take the conversation in the opposite direction by default, that’s going to create resentment in the relationship.
Instead, let him know how much you believe in him despite setbacks and how proud you are of his accomplishments (because he’s definitely accomplished something in there.
Even the worst of men have some small accomplishments at some point.)
Give him the reassurance he needs that you will give him the opportunity to pursue his mission.
Stand by his side no matter what. I know this is hard, because sometimes our men make bad decisions.
But that’s life – that’s part of being a man.
Also part of being an adult, really.
So don’t be critical, instead try to be understanding and let him know you can tolerate hiccups.
Show how much you care for him and that you know how important it is for him to pursue his mission.
Being supportive and encouraging will help him to feel more secure in making a commitment with you, knowing how much support you’re willing to give him.
By the way, being supportive of his mission is also a sign that you’re comfortable with your femininity.
You don’t want to fight with him to wear the pants in the relationship, as this will make him feel less like a man.
Not only that, it will drastically reduce (or destroy completely) any attraction he has towards you if you can’t offer him support for his mission.
Of course, you don’t want to support criminal or low life activities.
These aren’t genuine missions in life, they are more a way to extract value from the world…a cheap way for a man to “succeed” in life with grave costs in the long run.
But any normal mission that he pursues with good intent deserves some respect in the sense that you don’t want to tear down his hope of ever being seen as the man in the relationship.
So…relish in your femininity and submissiveness in the relationship. Try to let him be a man and have his direction.
He will trust you more and perceive a lot more value in the relationship, therefore making him much, much more likely to commit.
Also, would you like to discover how naturally feminine you are at your core? Discover that for yourself with our free quiz!
#7: Build A Deep Connection
No man will commit to a woman with whom he feels disconnected from.
So if you want to know how to get him to commit, the answer is to stay connected to him emotionally.
Really value the emotional connection before anything else in the relationship.
This can be hard to do if your man is an avoidant or is emotionally unavailable.
If you know your man has avoidant tendencies, check out these strategies on how to communicate to an avoidant partner.
Make an active effort to stay in connection with him.
Now, many women assume that if a man is in a relationship with them, he must feel connected, but that’s not true.
Sometimes we harbour habits that steer us away from connection, so make an active effort to connect emotionally by doing the following:
- Take an interest in the things he’s interested in from time to time
- Ask him how he is, (and care about the answer)
- Show him you’re available to connect
- Be affectionate
#8: Be Conscious Of Any Disconnections In The Relationship
In any committed relationship, it’s important to be aware of any habits you may have of pushing him away or creating disconnects.
This is because if you are creating more disconnection than connection, he will not commit. Full stop.
The relationship simply won’t have enough value for him to want to commit!
For example, be conscious of:
- Whether you’re judging him a lot (and whether you judge more than accept him)
- Whether you’re trying to change him; and
- Whether you resent him (resentment can be a silent poison in the relationship that goes unnoticed by the resenter themselves).
When the resentment goes on long enough, you may find that you’ve resented him so much over time, that it’s become impossible to get back the high quality relationship you once had with him
#9: Offer Him A Safe Place to Fall And To Be Himself
No discussion on how to get him to commit would be complete without mentioning your responsibility as his woman to offer him a safe space to come back to.
He needs to know that your relationship is a place he can go for:
- Playfulness; and
- New ideas
Sure, you’re not perfect as a woman and nor are you always going to be happy. That’s ok.
But don’t shirk your biggest responsibilities as a life partner, as a woman who wants this man’s commitment.
Your biggest responsibilities are to offer what any high value woman would offer:
- A safe place to fall
- A safe place to be himself; and
- A safe place to experience all the wonderful things in life that can can only be experienced when he’s willing to put all his eggs in one basket (ie: commit to you fully)
#10: Don’t Assume The Commitment Talk Will Do The Job For You
…Because it won’t.
You can’t have a talk and expect him to commit.
A man has to feel it for you, for real. And that’s why we included the steps on building a real connection with him.
Without a real connection, there’s not enough value to build upon to eventually get him to commit.
#11: Keep Clear Boundaries With Male Friends
This is something that a lot of women innocently miss when trying to get a man to commit.
But it’s crucial.
Ensure he knows that any other man friend you have in your life doesn’t undermine his position in your life.
Make sure it’s clear through your actions that you’re just friends.
Otherwise your man (and hopefully future husband) won’t fully trust you.
#12: Address Any Commitment Issues You Or He Might Have
Even if you want him to commit, you might have some commitment issues yourself that create contradictions in your behavior.
Ie: you might want a marriage with him, but you don’t actually like intimacy.
And this may be a problem for him, too.
The trouble is, no marriage can survive without intimacy. Whether that’s emotional or sexual intimacy, it doesn’t matter.
Both are essential.
So if you know you might have commitment issues yourself, then be honest about them and try to admit to them and change that.
If you discover that you might be in this boat, then I’d encourage you to investigate whether you have insecure attachment patterns.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
Don’t Make These TWO Mistakes…
#1: Make Promises You Can’t Keep
Don’t make promises you can’t keep and don’t expect too much from him in return.
What does it mean to not make promises you can’t keep?
It means you don’t try to compromise too hard or say you’ll do certain things when you know you won’t do them.
Examples of this behavior includes things like:
Offering to move to a new country with him when you know it’s impossible for you.
Or offering to leave behind your family whom you’re close to just to appease surface level wants of his that aren’t really that important.
#2: Don’t Pressure Him
It’s important to remember that pressuring him into a commitment isn’t the way to get him to commit.
No matter how serious you are about the relationship, it won’t work unless he feels it too.
It’s important to give your man time and space to decide how he feels and how he wants the relationship to progress.
Ultimately if he commits to you, you want it to be a decision that he can own and that he made by himself.
Otherwise, he won’t be truly serious anyway.
Be patient with him – he needs to feel secure in his own decision before committing fully.
By respecting his decisions, you will help create an atmosphere where he can feel more comfortable making a commitment to you.
So, focus on how to get him to commit through understanding and trust, rather than pressure or promises. If you do that, he’ll be sure to take that next step in your relationship.
Getting a guy to commit can seem intimidating and overwhelming at times, but if you focus on how to get him to commit through understanding and trust, rather than pressure or false promises, then he will be sure to take that next step in your relationship.
Remember the importance of open communication, letting yourself be vulnerable, being supportive of his masculine mission, offering him a safe place to fall and be himself, showing how much you value the relationship, and building a deep connection.
By following these 12 tips, you can ensure that your relationship will continue to deepen and strengthen over time, eventually leading to a full commitment from him!
Penny is a writer and part time dating coach. She lives in Brisbane, Queensland with the love of her life, their two daughters and their three dogs. Penny is passionate about helping women realize their high value and harness the innate feminine energy that they were born with.