It’s not uncommon for women to wonder why men sometimes stop putting in effort in relationships.
As much as this question may provoke strong emotions, it’s crucial to understand the perspective of masculine men in order to foster a better relationship for yourself and promote overall happiness.
By doing so, you can overcome your fears and develop a meaningful connection with your man, without putting in too much effort.
Men, especially those with predominantly masculine energy, often approach relationships differently than women.
They may prioritize factors such as resources, career, or problem-solving over emotional investment in the relationship.
This doesn’t mean they don’t care about their woman or desire a close connection; it simply suggests that their instincts and understanding of love and communication might not align with women’s natural inclinations.
In fact, some men may assume that giving space and isolation during difficult times is more helpful than resonating with their woman’s emotions and offering wholehearted support.
Not only that, but sometimes men stop putting effort into a relationship because they feel there’s a problem that’s too big for them to solve.
Women tend to be more intuitive and emotionally driven in relationships.
They are adept at reading subtle body language, adjusting to changes in tone of voice, and spending time discussing intimate details with friends.
Unfortunately, many men might not naturally notice these subtle cues or understand that women expect them to be more attentive and reassuring.
As a result, men might appear to put in less effort or take more time to adjust and adapt to the way their partners want them to behave in the relationship.
Understanding these differences in expectations and communication styles can lead to a healthier, more successful relationship.
After all, if you only see your own perspective, that can lead to a bias towards only your own viewpoint, and create a one sided relationship.
Want to know exactly how committed he is to you right now? Find out with our free quiz – QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz!
Why Do Guys Stop Putting In Effort? 15 Shocking Reasons
#1: You Pushed Him Away
Sometimes, without realizing it, you might be pushing your guy away – even while you feel like you’re putting in more effort than he is.
This can happen when you continuously over demand things, criticize him, constantly invade his personal space, or are overly clingy.
When a man feels rejected or unappreciated, he might start to pull back and put in less effort.
- Try to be more mindful of your actions and words
- Encourage open communication between the two of you
- Focus on building a stronger connection rather than pushing him away
- Spend time together where the only thing you both have to or need to do is connect with each other
#2: He Doesn’t Feel Like A Masculine Man Around You
A man needs to feel like he’s fulfilling his masculine role in the relationship, and if he doesn’t, he might stop putting in effort. This can happen when you unintentionally emasculate him or take over his roles.
So:
- Allow him to take charge and make decisions when appropriate
- Encourage and appreciate his efforts, even if they’re not perfect
- Foster an environment where he can express his masculinity in a healthy way
- Try to trigger his hero instinct
#3: He’s Really Busy
Sometimes, life gets in the way, and your guy might have a lot going on in his personal or professional life.
Sometimes we put in so much effort in our career that we unintentionally neglect our relationship.
It’s important to remember that this isn’t an excuse for him to neglect your relationship, but it’s crucial to be understanding during these times.
- Offer your support and encouragement during busy periods
- Schedule time together when both of your schedules permit
- Be patient while he’s juggling his responsibilities
- Remember that not all relationship struggles last forever. Women tend to fear the worst – so remind yourself that this is more than likely transitory
#4: You Took Too Much Value
This might sound harsh, but sometimes, your partner might feel like you are taking more than you give.
This could be emotionally, financially, or in terms of effort in the relationship. When a man feels drained, he might not feel motivated to put in more effort.
Try the following:
- Show gratitude and appreciation for his efforts
- Make an effort to reciprocate his actions
- Work towards a more balanced, give-and-take relationship
- If you sense that the relationship is unbalanced in terms of effort, then ask yourself what he really needs (and whether what you’re giving is actually what he needs. There’s no point putting too much effort into a relationship when it’s not what your man is actually needing or wanting.
Also, you need to avoid showing up low value as much as possible. Why? Because being low value strips your relationship of value, and it strips you of your dignity too.
There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report.(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
#5: He Met Someone Else
This reason can be painful to hear, and it’s rare. So it’s likely not happening to you, unless your gut is screaming at you that he has met – or is sleeping with someone else.
But sometimes, a man might stop putting effort into your relationship because he is interested in someone else.
This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong; it’s just an unfortunate reality in some cases.
- Communicate openly about your feelings and suspicions
- Make a decision about your relationship based on the information you gather
Related: Why My Husband Looks at Other Females Online? 7 Reasons & What To Do.
#6: He Has An Avoidant Attachment Style
Some men have an avoidant attachment style, which leads them to struggle with committing and putting in effort into their relationships.
This might be difficult for you because you could feel undesired, but it’s crucial to understand it’s not personal.
Here are a few things you can do to make the relationship healthier and more intimacy-focused:
- Study these 10 Little-Known Ways to Communicate To An Avoidant Partner
- Educate yourself about attachment styles
- Encourage your partner to work on his attachment style if he wants to
- Decide whether his attachment style is something you are willing to work with
Also, try to discover your own attachment style. You can do that with our free quiz: QUIZ TIME: Do I have secure or insecure attachment patterns? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz!
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
#7: He Only Wanted Sex
It’s unfortunate, but there are times when a man’s primary interest is just sex. In these cases, once he gets what he wants, his effort may decrease significantly.
Quite simply, as a woman you should not expect to have a successful relationship with a man if the relationship was only about sex to begin with.
So:
- Be clear about your expectations and boundaries in the relationship from the start
- Understand the signs of a man who is only interested in sex
- Never get into any man’s “one of many” basket. Always make sure you’re in his “one and only” basket. To discover the 5 feminine secrets to become any man’s one and only, click here.
#8: His or Someone He Loves Health Is Failing
Sometimes, a man might pull away and stop putting in effort if he or someone he loves is going through a health crisis.
It’s essential to be understanding and supportive during these difficult times. All healthy relationships are built on a strong foundation of compassion and understanding.
- Offer your support and care
- Encourage open and honest communication about the situation
- Be patient and understanding during this time
- If you feel like you’re putting too much effort in, take a break just to recharge
#9: He Lost His Job
Losing a job can be a highly stressful experience and affect how a man views himself and his place in your relationship.
This could cause him to stop putting in effort as he tries to navigate through this challenging time.
- Show him empathy and support
- Encourage him to talk about his feelings and help him with his job search and, if needed, his career change
- Remain patient as he deals with this difficult period
- Understand that your compassion is the key to making the relationship work
#10: He Never Actually Felt Emotional Attraction For You
In some cases, a man might realize that he never truly felt emotionally attracted to you beyond the initial stages of the relationship.
This realization might cause him to stop putting in effort and eventually pull away.
- Reflect on the emotional connection between the two of you – was there ever any? Here’s one specific emotional trigger within every man that will make him feel emotionally attracted to you and want to take care of you for life.
- Decide whether there’s potential for developing deeper emotional attraction or if it’s best to move on
#11: The Relationship Became A Burden, Not A Joy
A man might stop putting in effort if he starts feeling like your relationship has become more of a burden than a source of happiness.
This could be a result of too much negativity, constant arguing, or a lack of fun and excitement.
It could also be that only one partner is showing acceptance, openness and a desire to put the relationship first.
Whether it’s him or you who feels like they’re putting too much effort in, it can build resentment over time, ruining the joy in the relationship.
- Work towards resolving issues and bring joy back into the relationship
- Schedule time for fun, lighthearted activities together
- Communicate openly about your concerns and commit to improvements
#12: He’s Insecure
Insecurity can play a tremendous role in a man’s decision to put in less effort in a relationship. He might doubt his worth and ability to be in a healthy relationship and, as a result, pull away.
He might have some hurt, fear or trauma from past relationships that are making him hold back.
So make sure you spend time considering what he has been through and what he has to go through. Remember at the start we mentioned that you need to consider things from the man’s point of view as well?
It’s hard, but it’s worth it because it helps you get clearer answers on what to do.
- Offer reassurance and support
- Encourage him by letting him know that he doesn’t need to hold on to his insecurities and self-esteem
- Consider planning one or two date nights yourself so that he feels desired
#13: He Is Depressed
Is your partner feeling down a lot? Have you noticed that your partner’s reaction to things he used to enjoy is now lukewarm at best?
He might be depressed.
Depression can have a significant impact on a person’s motivation and effort, even in relationships. It’s crucial to be understanding and supportive while he works through his depression.
Here’s what you can do:
- Encourage him to seek professional help if needed
- Offer a listening ear and be there for him through his struggle
#14: He Simply Needs Space
Sometimes, a man might pull away simply because he needs some space to reevaluate his feelings and priorities.
This doesn’t necessarily mean he’s losing interest, but it might lead him to put in less effort temporarily.
Here’s what to do:
- Allow him the space he needs to reflect (Here’s how to do this well.)
- Remain patient and supportive during this time
- Respect and trust that he wants to work things out on his own. He’s a man after all.
- Maybe reach out with some high value banter to encourage some playfulness and excite him, bringing that spark back in his eye. Gauge your partner’s reaction – you might be surprised by how much he appreciates the playfulness. On the other hand, if he respnds badly, you might need to be wary – he could be emotionally immature, controlling and toxic, and therefore doesn’t value playfulness, or maybe he’s feeling done. (Or just overly stressed and mistrusting after some bad experiences in the relationship.)
Related: Why Men Lose Interest: 11 Key Reasons and Proven Solutions to Regain It.
#15: You Belittle Him
Belittling your partner can cause significant damage to your relationship and lead your man to lose motivation in putting in effort. This can happen when you constantly criticize or demean him.
- Be aware of your words and actions
- Commit to treating your partner with respect and encouraging him in his goals and interests
What to do When He Is Not Putting In The Effort
When your man stops putting in effort, it’s essential to reflect on possible reasons behind it and work together to improve the relationship.
Most likely his lack of effort is due to the following reasons:
- A lack of emotional attraction (and so you need to build that emotional attraction to keep the spark alive).
- He placed you in the “one of many” basket and now it’s going to be hard to get out of that basket. Or:
- He’s going through something himself.
Communicate your concerns, be open to change, and collaborate on building a strong connection that encourages both partners to put in sustained effort.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do men lose interest in a relationship?
Men can lose interest in a relationship for various reasons. They may feel overwhelmed by the intensity or commitment level, leading them to pull away. Some men might lose interest due to external reasons, such as career changes, personal growth, or other life circumstances. It’s essential to maintain open communication with your partner and try to understand the reasons for their change in behavior.
Why do men leave so easily?
While it may seem like men leave relationships easily, it’s crucial not to generalize. Every individual and situation is unique. Some men might find it challenging to express their feelings or communicate their concerns in a relationship. This lack of communication might lead them to leave without resolving the issues. Encourage open conversations and emotional vulnerability to better understand each other and address any problems that arise.
How do I get him to make more effort?
The key to encouraging effort from your love interest is communication and understanding. Express your needs and expectations clearly, and listen to your partner’s perspective as well. Avoid making demands or ultimatums, as they can create resentment. Instead, showcase the benefits of putting in more effort and inspire change through positive reinforcement. Remember, you cannot force someone to change, but you can create an environment that fosters growth and collaboration.
What causes men to stop giving attention?
Several factors can cause men to stop giving attention in a relationship. It may be due to feeling overwhelmed, losing interest, or focusing on other aspects of life, such as work or personal projects. Alternatively, a man might feel that his efforts are not being recognized or appreciated, causing him to withdraw. It’s essential to maintain a balance by demonstrating gratitude for your partner’s efforts and discussing any concerns they might have.
Are men giving up on relationships?
It is inaccurate to say that all men are giving up on relationships. The changing dynamics of modern dating and societal expectations can be confusing and challenging for some individuals, leading them to feel discouraged. However, focusing on building healthy communication habits, setting boundaries, and fostering personal growth can improve relationships and create lasting connections. Remember, it is crucial to focus on individual circumstances rather than generalizations.
Penny is a writer and part time dating coach. She lives in Brisbane, Queensland with the love of her life, their two daughters and their three dogs. Penny is passionate about helping women realize their high value and harness the innate feminine energy that they were born with.