If you’re wondering whether you should text him or not, you’re not alone.
Texting can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to love interests. On one hand, you want to show your interest and keep the conversation going.
On the other hand, you don’t want to come across as too eager or pushy. So, should you text him or not?
The answer is not always straightforward, as it depends on the situation.
For example, if you just went on a great date and want to let him know you had a good time, sending a text can be a great way to show your interest.
On the other hand, if you haven’t heard from him in a while and are feeling anxious, bombarding him with texts is not the best approach.
It’s important to find a balance between showing your interest and respecting his space.
In this article, we’ll explore the dos and don’ts of texting your love interest.
Should I Text Him or Wait for Him to Text Me?
When it comes to the question – should I text him? It’s a tricky question, because either way you’re taking a risk.
If you’re like most women who have been hurt or who don’t want to make a mistake, you’re just choosing which one seems less risky, most of the time.
But it doesn’t always have to be like that. You can take a risk in reaching out at times. So let’s talk about when that might be.
Here are some considerations to help you decide whether you should text him or wait for him to text you.
MORE: Should I text Him First Or Should I Wait? 5 Mistakes to AVOID.
Reasons to Text Him
If you’re feeling confident and want to take the initiative, there are a few good reasons to text him first.
For example, if you had a great date and want to follow up, it’s perfectly acceptable to send a message thanking him for the time together and letting him know you had a good time.
Additionally, if you’re feeling flirty and want to see if you can keep the conversation going with a guy, it’s okay to text him to begin some banter with your love interest.
What is banter?
It’s playful back and forth communication. In particular, I recommend you utilize high value banter, which is a method of bantering that is based on playfulness and the intent to create emotional attraction.
There’s less risk and higher potential rewards as you’re creating an opening for good emotional connection as well.
Click here to take a free class on the art of high value banter.
Reasons to Wait for Him to Text You
On the other hand, if you’re not sure whether he’s interested or you don’t want to come across as too needy, waiting for him to text you can be a good move.
If you’ve already initiated a few conversations and he hasn’t reciprocated, it might be best to give him some space and wait for him to reach out to you.
MORE: Warning: 6 Obvious Signs He Wants You to Leave Him Alone.
Texting him when he hasn’t reciprocated is not the best idea, so if you’re worried about coming across as chasing him too much, waiting for him to text you can be a good way to avoid that.
Situations Where You Should Text Him First
There are a few situations where it’s perfectly acceptable to text him first.
For example, when he’s been initiating texting with you already in the past, and he’s been consistent in doing so.
Also, if you’ve gone out on a date and want to follow up, sending a message thanking him for the time together is a good move.
Additionally, if you’re just wanting to reach out for some company and playful conversation, it’s okay to send a message to see if he’s free to chat.
I recommend you do it in a playful way though, so as to build attraction.
The way to do it playfully is through playful banter.
Situations Where You Should Wait for Him to Text You
Should I text him first? Well, if you’ve already initiated a few conversations and he hasn’t reciprocated, it might be best to wait for him to text you.
Additionally, if you’re worried about coming across as too desperate, waiting for him to text you can be a good way to avoid that.
Finally, if you’ve dropped a hint that you’re interested and he hasn’t responded, waiting for him to text you can be a good way to gauge his interest.
Texting Him After a Date
If you’ve gone out on a date and want to follow up, sending a message thanking him for the time together is a good move.
Additionally, if you’re interested in seeing him again, it’s okay to let him know that you had a good time and would like to do it again sometime.
Texting Him When You’re Feeling Lonely
If you’re feeling lonely and want to reach out for some company, ask yourself whether you’re at that stage in the relationship where you can rely on him for company yet.
If it is, then text him.
But it’s important to remember that it’s not his responsibility to make you feel better, so don’t expect that.
What to Do When He Doesn’t Respond
If you’ve sent a message and he hasn’t responded, it’s important to give him some space.
Double-texting or sending multiple messages can come across as needy or low value, so it’s best to wait for him to respond.
MORE: How to Be A High Value Woman: 13 Traits And Examples.
If he doesn’t respond after a few days, it’s okay to send a follow-up message to see if everything is okay, but if he still doesn’t respond, it might be time to walk away and move on.
When it comes to texting a guy, it’s important to follow some basic rules to avoid looking low value and desperate.
(By the way, There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?)
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Should I Text Him? 8 Solid Rules On Texting Your Date
Here are nine rules to consider when asking yourself “should I text him?”:
#1: Don’t text him when you’re drunk.
You might say something you regret or come across as too forward. It’s best to wait until you’re sober to send any messages.
Plus, texting while you’re drunk can end with you feeling too much shame and embarassment, which is hard on you.
It can also have more serious consequences, like leading you to lose the relationship altogether.
#2: Don’t text him when you’re angry.
If you’re upset with him, it’s best to take some time to cool off before sending a message.
You don’t want to say something you’ll regret later.
Even if you are angry, it’s important to give it a bit of time and get a clearer head first. It’s the best way!
#3: Don’t text him in the middle of the night.
Unless you know he’s a night owl and won’t mind being woken up, it’s best to wait until morning to send a message.
#4: Don’t text him too much.
Sending too many messages can come across as needy or desperate. It’s best to give him some space and let him initiate the conversation sometimes.
Especially if you really like the guy, know that texting too much may actually cause him to run in the other direction – towards another woman who is more balanced in her texting habits!
#5: Don’t text him first after a first date if he said he will text you.
If he said he would text you after the first date, it’s best to wait for him to make the first move. If he doesn’t text you, it’s a sign that he’s not interested.
You may think “oh it’s just one message”, but it carries a risk, because he already told you he would text you, so let him do it.
If you’ve already gone on a few dates however, and he’s been texting you consistently during that time, then it’s ok to text him after a date.
#6: Don’t text him if you’re looking for validation.
If you’re feeling insecure and need reassurance, it’s best to talk to a friend instead of texting him. You don’t want to come across as needy or worse – manipulative.
Regardless of whether you think he knows you want validation, know that he’ll likely feel your intent.
#7: If he has ghosted you before, don’t text him.
If he’s ignored your messages in the past, it’s best to move on and not waste your time on someone who’s not interested.
Know that even if you want closure, it’s not worth the bad feeling you’ll get from texting someone who has already ghosted you before.
If he has what it takes to ghost you, he doesn’t really care about you.
There’s nothing wrong with just letting it go.
Look: if he wanted to talk, he’ll reach out to you, period.
But by then, you may have moved on from this ghost. (yay!)
#8: Don’t text him about serious issues.
If you need to have a serious conversation, it’s best to do it in person or over the phone. Texting can easily be misinterpreted, and you don’t want to risk a misunderstanding.
By following these nine rules, you’ll be able to navigate the world of texting with your love interest and avoid any unnecessary drama.
Remember to always be respectful and considerate of his feelings, and you’ll be on your way to a happy and healthy relationship.
What’s Your Reason For Texting Him?
Before you hit send on that text, it’s important to consider your reasons for doing so. Here are a few things to think about:
Are You Interested In Him?
If you’re texting your love interest because you’re interested in him, that’s not a bad idea, if done playfully. Just make sure you’re not coming on too strong.
Keep things light and flirty, and don’t send too many texts in a row.
Remember, he needs to be interested in you too, so give him a chance to respond before you send another message.
Do You Want To Check In?
If you haven’t heard from your guy in a while, it’s natural to want to check in and make sure everything’s okay.
Just be careful not to come across as a suspicious, questioning woman, make sure it’s because you care.
A simple “Hey, how’s it going?” or “Just wanted to say hi and see how you are” can be a great way to start a conversation without overwhelming him.
Do You Have Something To Share?
Maybe you saw something that reminded you of your guy, or you stumbled across a funny meme you want to share.
If you have something to share, go ahead and send that text! Just keep in mind that not everything needs a response. If he doesn’t reply, it’s okay to let it go.
Are You Trying To Make Plans?
If you’re trying to make plans with your guy, it’s important to make sure you’re not coming across as desperate or like you have nothing better to do.
No one wants to be dealing with that, it never feels nice for anyone.
If you want to make plans, that’s ok, but don’t do it if you have any doubt that he would also enjoy making plans with you and going out with you.
You don’t want to be making plans with a guy who has no interest in you.
Also, don’t just send a boring and vague “What are you up to?” message and hope he’ll take the hint.
Instead, you have two options:
- Ask him what he’s up to on a specific date; or
- Be direct and ask if he wants to do something specific, like grab dinner or go for a hike.
Remember, to make sure you’re always being respectful and true to yourself. Don’t give up your value just for a date with a guy.
Is He As Into You As You Are?
When it comes to texting your love interest, it’s important to know if he’s as into you as you are into him.
If you know that he is just as into you, then you won’t need to ask the question “should I text him” much at all.
MORE: 14 Guaranteed Early Dating Signs He Likes You.
Here are some signs to look out for:
- He initiates the conversation: If he’s always the one to start the conversation, it’s a good sign that he’s into you. If you’re always the one to text first, it may be a sign that he’s not as interested.
- He responds quickly: If he responds to your texts quickly, it’s a sign that he’s interested in talking to you. If he takes hours or even days to respond, it may be a sign that he’s not interested in you.
- He asks questions: If he’s asking you questions about yourself and your life, it’s a sign that he’s interested in getting to know you better. If he’s not asking any questions, it may be a sign that he’s not as interested.
- He uses emojis and exclamation points: If he’s using emojis and exclamation points in his texts, it’s a sign that he’s excited to talk to you. If his texts are short and to the point, it may be a sign that he’s not as interested.
- He makes plans to see you: If he’s making plans to see you in person, it’s a sign that he’s interested in taking the relationship to the next level. If he’s not making any plans to see you, it may be a sign that he’s not as into you.
Related: When A Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off: Why & 6 Powerful Things To Do.
Remember, these signs are not foolproof and everyone communicates differently. Keep an eye out and make the call yourself as well.
Do You Want to Ask Him Out?
So, you’re interested in asking your love interest out on a date. Great! But before you start typing away on your phone, there are a few things to consider.
Firstly, make sure you’re both on the same page.
Have you been flirting back and forth for a while?
Have you had meaningful conversations and shared common interests?
Is there any emotional connection or emotional attraction?
Are you reasonably confident that if you texted him, he’ll text back?
If so, it’s likely that he’s interested in you too. However, if you haven’t had much interaction, it might be best to get to know him a bit better before asking him out.
Next, think about what you want to say.
Are you going to make it a little playful and flirty, allowing him room to take the hint and ask you out on a date?
Or are you going to be more direct and ask him what he’s up to on Saturday morning?
Either is ok, just make sure you’re aware of what you choose before you do it.
It’s also important to consider the timing of your message.
Don’t text him in the middle of the night or when he’s busy with work or other commitments. Instead, choose a time when he’s likely to be free and able to respond.
Finally, be prepared for any response.
He might say yes, he might say no, or he might need some time to think about it. Whatever his answer, respect it and don’t push him into something he’s not comfortable with.
Have You Been Texting Him A Lot Already?
If you have been texting your love interest a lot already, it might be a good idea to take a break before sending another message.
Constantly texting him can come across as desperate and low value, and it might make him lose interest.
Instead of bombarding him with messages, try to space them out and give him some breathing room. It is important to remember that he has a life outside of your conversations, and he might not be able to respond right away.
If you are unsure about how often to text him, try to match his pace.
If he takes a few hours to respond, you should do the same. If he only texts you once a day, it might be best to limit your own messages to once a day as well.
Another thing to consider is the content of your messages.
If you have been texting him a lot already, make sure that your messages are not repetitive or boring. Try to keep things interesting by using high value banter or sharing something funny or interesting that happened to you.
Funny stories are good, as long as they’re actually funny.
In summary, if you have been texting him a lot already, it might be a good idea to take a step back and give him some space.
Try to match his pace and keep your messages interesting. Remember, texting is just one way to communicate, and it is important to have a healthy balance in your relationship.
Did He Just Initiate Texting With You?
So, you just received a text from your guy. Congratulations!
It’s always exciting to hear from the guy you’re interested in. But before you start crafting a response, take a minute to think about the situation.
First things first, did he initiate the conversation? If he did, that’s a good sign.
It means he’s thinking about you and wants to talk to you. However, don’t get too excited just yet. You still need to consider a few things before responding.
Take a look at the content of the message. Is it a simple “hey” or “what’s up?”
Or is it something more substantial?
If it’s the former, he may just be looking for a casual conversation. If it’s the latter, he might be interested in something more (at the least, perhaps a good conversation where you both feel connected).
Another thing to consider is the timing of the message.
If he’s texting you late at night, it could be a sign that he’s looking for something more than just a friendly chat.
On the other hand, if he’s texting you during the day, it could just be a casual conversation.
Overall, if he’s initiated the conversation, it’s a good sign that he’s interested in you – and there’s a higher chance that if you initiated texting with him that he’ll respond.
However, don’t read too much into it just yet. Take some time to evaluate the situation before responding.
Is He Your Ex?
If the guy you’re thinking about texting is your ex, you may be wondering if it’s a good idea to reach out. Here are a few things to consider before hitting send:
- Why did you break up? If the breakup was messy or hurtful, it might be best to leave things in the past. On the other hand, if you parted on good terms and simply grew apart, there may be a chance for a friendly conversation. (Recommended: Do Guys Really Want to Be Friends After A Breakup? 10 Reasons They DO.)
- How long has it been since you broke up? If it’s only been a few days or weeks, it’s probably best to give each other some space. However, if you’ve both had time to heal and move on, reaching out might not be as detrimental.
- What do you want to say? Before you text your ex, think about why you’re doing it. Are you hoping to rekindle the relationship, or do you simply want to catch up as friends? Be honest with yourself about your intentions, because if you’re really not over him yet, you might undo all the effort you put into trying to move on already by trying to be in contact with him.
- Are you both single? If either of you is currently in a relationship, it’s probably best to avoid texting your ex – unless you already know it’s ok with yours and their current partner.
If you’re not sure how he and his current partner feels, then just know that it’s not fair to your current partner or your ex’s partner to open up old wounds.
Ultimately, whether or not you should text your ex depends on the circumstances of your breakup and your current relationship with each other.
If you do decide to reach out, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and that you’re prepared for any outcome. (Because they are an ex after all, and it could really have many surprising outcomes.)
Is He Really Busy?
If you know he is really busy, then think: would he appreciate you texting him first, or would he be too busy to give your text the time it deserves?
If so, then wait for a time when he’s not so busy. It will be a more timely and relevant text for him.
Do You Just Want to Define The Relationship? (DTR)
If what you want is to define the relationship, it’s best not to do it over text.
At the very least, your guy should be willing to jump on the phone with you to define your relationship.
Even if he’s definitely keen to define it with you, it’s not advisable to do it over text, because it can’t really be taken seriously.
Unless that’s really the absolute only way you guys can communicate to each other.
Has He Just Ghosted You?
Ah, you’re wondering whether you should text your love interest after they’ve ghosted you.
First it’s important to first understand exactly what ghosting is.
Ghosting is when someone you’ve been talking to or dating suddenly stops responding to your messages or calls, leaving you feeling confused and hurt.
One of the most frustrating things about ghosting is that it can happen without warning or explanation.
You might have been having a great time with your guy, and then suddenly, he disappears without a trace.
It’s natural to feel hurt, angry or confused when this happens, but it’s important to remember that it’s not your fault.
Before you decide to text a guy who’s ghosted you, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the situation.
If he’s just ghosted you, it might be a sign that he’s not interested in pursuing a relationship with you.
While it’s possible that he’s just busy or dealing with personal issues, it’s also possible that he’s lost interest or found someone else.
If you’re considering reaching out to him after he’s ghosted you, it’s important to keep in mind that there’s no guarantee that he’ll respond.
In fact, he might continue to ignore your messages or calls, which can be even harder on you than if you had never initiated a text at all.
Ultimately, the decision to text a guy after he’s ghosted you is a personal one.
Frequently Asked Questions
What time is best to text a guy?
A good rule of thumb is to try to avoid texting too early in the morning or too late at night, as those times may not be convenient for the guy.
It’s also a good idea to pay attention to any patterns or habits that the guy you’re texting may have, such as if he tends to respond quickly during certain times of day.
Ultimately, the best time to text someone is when you feel comfortable and confident doing so, while also being considerate of their schedule and preferences.
How to know when to stop texting a guy?
It can be tough to figure out when to take a step back, especially if you’re really interested in him.
One thing to keep in mind is that if you’re consistently putting in more effort than him, it may be a sign that he’s not as interested in continuing the conversation.
Additionally, if you’re not receiving responses or if the responses you’re getting are short and unengaged, it may be a good idea to take a break and see if he reaches out to you.
It’s also important to trust your gut and listen to your own feelings – if you’re feeling frustrated or like you’re not getting what you need out of the conversation, it may be time to step back and reassess.
Penny is a writer and part time dating coach. She lives in Brisbane, Queensland with the love of her life, their two daughters and their three dogs. Penny is passionate about helping women realize their high value and harness the innate feminine energy that they were born with.