Looking for ways to turn the tables when he pulls away?
Here’s what to focus on:
- Use the time to connect with your feminine energy and allow yourself to become more attractive
- Make space for him and you
- Don’t react out of fear
- Become more resourceful emotionally within yourself
- Get clear on your values and stick to them no matter what
When it comes to dating men, most of us have felt the pain and heartache associated with a man pulling away.
When your special someone fails to communicate or show affection for no apparent reason, it can leave you feeling confused, isolated, and helpless.
Whether it’s because of stress from work or something else altogether, the distance that is created can be devastating.
However, there are some smart things you can do when he pulls away in order to turn the tables and get him to come back closer than before.
These 9 genius approaches will help you both reconnect and bring back the spark in your relationship:
1) Don’t Overreact Due to Fear
It’s easy to become unnecessarily emotional when your significant other is giving off signals of distance or coldness.
Instead of reacting in a rash way, try to take a step back and analyze the situation. The important thing is to stay calm, yet assertive.
By analyze, I mean do your best to look at the facts rather than let your emotions cloud your judgement and drive you to act in ways you might regret.
As a woman, this is hard to do, especially if you’re already emotionally attached to a man.
But even though it’s hard, it’s important to keep it in mind, as it might help balance out your temptation to act in a rash manner.
When you can breathe through and relax through your fears, you’re giving yourself a chance to show up as a high value woman.
2) Make Time for Yourself
In order to stop yourself from over-focusing on your man and in order to keep your relationship strong, it’s important that you take some time for yourself.
This could mean going to the spa, taking a walk in nature, or doing anything else that makes you feel relaxed and at peace.
By taking care of yourself, you can stay level-headed and ensure that you’re not stripping too much value from yourself by always trying to make things work with him.
Allow yourself to stop worrying for a little while and put aside time for your needs and thoughts.
You can also have a better chance of understanding how your man is feeling and how he’s responding to your feelings, because you’ve had a chance to clear your mind.
You may also find it helpful to work out how serious he is (or has been) about you. Is he likely to commit to you in the future?
You can find out for yourself with our quick and easy quiz:
3) Stand Up For Yourself
Though it’s hard to do, maintain your self-respect even if he is pulling away.
This is a key step in how to turn the tables when he pulls away, because it is when a man pulls away that women tend to get anxious.
The more anxious you are, the more you overthink.
The more you overthink, the less calibrated you are the how he’s feeling and where the relationship is actually at.
So:
Be the kind of woman you’d like to be with. Let thing’s pan out by themselves, at least a little.
And make sure you don’t bend over backwards just to keep his attention, because remember, men respond to value.
If you’re just compromising your own needs and desires just to feel like you have his attention, this is not value for him.
It’s just you regulating your own anxiety and trying desperately not to lose him.
If you find yourself constantly anxious during this time, you may want to question whether you have an anxious attachment style or not.
We all get anxious at times, but if you’re overcome with a feeling of dread, that can be a warning sign of anxious attachment style.
Anxious attachment style is a type of insecure attachment that if unchecked, can actually hamper your effort to turn the tables in your own favour.
If you’d like to discover what your own attachment style is, feel free to take our quiz and find out.
(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)
4) Let Him Come To You On His Own Terms
Your guy will eventually come back when it’s on his own terms and not because of any pressure that has been put upon him.
By allowing him to make his own choices, you’ll be avoiding the pitfall of trying to control how he responds to you.
The more pressure is put on him, the less likely it will be that he’ll come back at all.
Therefore, it might be helpful to do something that alters your normal routine when he pulls away.
This could mean taking a weekend trip with your friends or doing something completely different from what you’d normally do in that situation.
It could be one of these methods of pulling away to make him want you as well.
At the same time, give him some space and allow him to come back on his own terms without any pressure from you.
5) Focus On Becoming More Feminine
When he pulls away, it’s easy to become frustrated and feel helpless – but there is something you can do that is good for you as well as being good for him.
And that is mastering the art of being a feminine woman.
This will give you a chance to connect with your feminine core, feel more authentically you, and be able to surrender to his masculine energy which will make him much more attracted to you.
It’s like switching on the light of sexual polarity and attraction within him.
So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, remember that men are attracted to women who exhibit femininity.
This means being:
- Soft and vulnerable
- Graceful and elegant; and
- Willing to be more open to his masculine direction
This will show him how valuable you are whilst also allowing yourself to become more of you!
Would you like to know how naturally feminine you are at your core? You can find out with our quick and easy quiz!
6) Explore New Possibilities With Him
When men pull away, it can feel like a wall has come up between you with no way over or around it.
But if you choose to use this as an opportunity to get creative and explore new possibilities with him then the tables can be turned in your favour.
Try to think of how he might respond differently and how you can use this as an opportunity to grow together.
You could suggest something like going out of town for the weekend, a cooking class or even just a night in with some board games – anything that gets him away from his usual routine and gives your relationship a fresh start.
This is how to turn the tables when he pulls away – but in a connection-oriented way.
Sure, it may not make you feel “powerful” or ‘in control” to be the one suggesting an activity to do together, but at least you’ll be trying to add value to the relationship.
6) Make Sure To Connect With Yourself
How to turn the tables when he pulls away?
Find connection with yourself, within yourself – because this will make you feel more internally resourceful.
When you’re more resourceful, you have more influence and ability to turn the tables in your favour (whilst also making your man happy).
See, when it feels like he’s pulling away, it can be difficult to stay connected with yourself and the things that bring you joy.
But it will enrich your soul, so it’s a must right now.
So how to do it?
You can do something as simple as:
- Taking a long walk in nature
- Spending some time alone in your bedroom doing some deep breathing exercises
- Starting a conversation with yourself about something you’ve always been reluctant to explore (like a past trauma, a past relationship or past grieving that you haven’t yet done)
7) Show Him Affection When He Returns
When and if your man does return, it’s important to show him affection and welcome him back.
You can do this whilst still being hurt inside, that’s ok.
You don’t have to interact with him from resentment just to feel powerful.
It’s much more powerful to have the ability to welcome him back, because this gives him some positive reinforcement.
If there’s something you need to discuss with him about the time he had pulled away, you still can.
And you can still let him know it hurt – but don’t stop yourself from celebrating his return, either.
Because if you do authentically appreciate his return, he’ll appreciate your honesty, if that makes sense.
This is how to turn the tables when he pulls away: let him know how much you missed him and how glad you are that he’s returned.
It’s a great way to re-connect with each other.
8) Keep Your Core Values Close
Finally, the most important way for how to turn the tables when he pulls away is to stay true to your values.
Whether it’s you staying true to how much commitment your feminine soul needs in order to feel safe in a relationship, having boundaries with how you communicate, or what kind of relationship dynamic works for you – make sure that these still remain intact, no matter how much he’s pulling away.
MORE: How to Get Him to Commit: 12 Genius Steps & 2 Mistakes.
You don’t have to give into accepting crumbs if your heart is screaming that you need more (and he might not be willing to give it to you).
Keep your core values close to your heart and don’t deviate from them for the sake of a man who you don’t feel is loyal to you.
Here are some self-serving yet necessary values you should be holding close:
- I should always be treated with respect
- I should never have to take crumbs, and full loyalty is all I will accept
- I don’t have to pretend to be happy when I’m not
9) Try Out Non Toxic Reverse Psychology
Finally, how to turn the tables when he pulls away can also involve some non-toxic reverse psychology.
The dictionary defines reverse psychology to mean:
“The principle or practice of subtly encouraging a behavior or belief by advocating its opposite.”
Basically, you’re going to encourage him to return to you by advocating for him to take lots of space and time to himself.
You’re not doing this to be manipulative, you’re actually doing it to give him an opportunity to take what he wants – is a way of being generous without trying to control him.
Using reverse psychology when a guy pulls away means not trying to manipulate him or coerce him into staying – but instead showing him how much you love yourself and how much stronger you’ve become since the time he pulled away.
You don’t have to say anything directly; just show it in your actions and how you live your life.
Don’t try to trick or control him in any way – simply demonstrate that you’re a woman of strength and dignity who demands respect.
In doing this, a man may come around eventually out of admiration for how strong you are and how generous you are, rather than because of any low-value behavior.
By the way:
There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Final Words
It can be hard to stay strong when someone pulls away, especially if it’s the man you love.
But there are ways on how to turn the tables when he pulls away so that you don’t have to feel powerless and stuck in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling your needs.
Remember, if he loves you he should be willing to give what you need – otherwise this won’t be a lasting connection.
Find connection with yourself and keep your core values close to your heart, and these 9 genius ways how to turn the tables when he pulls away will help make sure your love life will stay on track!
Penny is a writer and part time dating coach. She lives in Brisbane, Queensland with the love of her life, their two daughters and their three dogs. Penny is passionate about helping women realize their high value and harness the innate feminine energy that they were born with.