I have been married to a wonderful woman for over 30 years – years filled with many different trials and joys mostly because of a third person that was involved. See, our marriage was a bit like the story of Beauty and the Beast in reverse. Judy thought she had found a prince, but it turns out her prince was actually a beast.
When we married, Judy was not aware of my issue with same-sex attractions. At that point, I had never acted on those attractions and had never confessed them to anyone. My hope was that my attraction to men would go away when I loved and married a girl who loved me back. Instead, I felt trapped in a relationship that I was sure couldn’t work. How could Judy or I possibly be fulfilled when my heart and mind were pulling in opposite directions? This conflict only worsened as years went by and my fantasy of having sex with men became reality.
That’s where the third party comes in – the real Prince. Judy and I took seriously the fact that we were “gathered in the sight of God” when we invited our family and friends to our wedding. Our ceremony ended with a solemn charge, “What, therefore, God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” Jesus was Lord over our marriage, even when He was not Lord over my thoughts, my lusts, and my wanderings. Though the first 20 years were full of turmoil because of my double-mindedness, we never considered separation or divorce.
Being married did not change my heart, only the Spirit of God can do that, but Judy’s love for me did keep me from crossing certain boundaries. I had disappointed her and sinned against her, but she did not respond in anger or in disgust though she had every right to. Her immediate concern was for me and our relationship. Her first words were, “I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this by yourself for so long.”
I was humbled and broken to receive such unconditional love and acceptance. That day I learned what a true Christian marriage is – a man, a woman, and Jesus. Jesus is the Prince of our love story, the Prince of Peace. Peace in this instance is not just the absence of turmoil but it is also harmony and reconciliation. My sins against God were covered by the blood of Jesus when I confessed them to Him. My sins against my wife were covered by her love when I confessed them to her.
The blood of Christ… will cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death. (from Hebrews 9:14) Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (I Peter 4:8)
God did not replace my attraction for men with an attraction to women. What I have is so much better than that. I have a real attraction, love, and connection to a woman, my woman. When I was able to fully engage in our relationship, God began restoring what Satan tried to steal from us, and He is helping me replace what I gave away. Judy and I walk in harmony as we serve the Lord together and accept each other with tender grace.
by Tony Moore