Looking for the signs a married man is using you? Good thing you are, because you should never let a relationship with a married man continue without questioning it.
The fact that you are reading this article shows that somewhere deep down, you are not sure if this relationship would actually become something meaningful.
Sure, there would be perks of being in a relationship with him. You might enjoy his company or the excitement he brings to your life. But having his company and experiencing excitement is not the same as getting the real value from him, is it?
The important question to ask here is, “would this benefit me in the long run?”
Because you know what the inconvenient truth about this incongruent relationship is?
It is the realization that all the beautiful moments you spent connecting with him were never really true.
Or at least, the moments of excitement you guys shared were ‘true’, but the moments of connection amounted to nothing real.
“The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish us than exposed ones. They erode our strength, our self-esteem, our very foundation.” — Cheryl Hughes
In keeping with the quote above, you might wonder how much of what he says is lies, or hasty attempts to placate you.
Could it possibly be that none of what he said or promised was real? Married men get involved with women outside of their marriage for all kinds of reasons.
Besides all the seemingly nice things he has said or done for you, he might have ulterior motives. He might be using you and the relationship just for sex, easy company, even money, or to make someone jealous.
But let’s just put the “WHY” in the dustbin for now. Trust me; it’s not worth wasting any more time on it.
What’s more important is that you do not ignore these definitive signs a married man is using you. And if you do see your relationship in most of these signs, do not spare a second to dump him and leave him for good.
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Sign # 1: He Always Finds Reasons To Not Let You Meet His Family
Just think about it. If he is really into you, then why not make an effort to move the relationship forward? When a man really wants to take things to the next stage, letting his wife or family know about you should be a priority (however hard that action may be for him).
However, he is just using you if he is always delaying or hesitating to organise some form of a family get-together. Letting you into his life should not be a problem if he is serious about the relationship.
Sign # 2: He Shares The Bed With You But Never Shares A Seat
When I say seat, I mean a real date! When a guy is just using you, he would not hesitate to get in your pants but going on a real date would likely not be a part of his actual plans.
A meaningful relationship can only flourish when you spend time together – privately and publicly. Period!
If that does not happen, take it as a clear sign that he is simply using you.
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Sign # 3: He Uses You As His Bank
Do you constantly find yourself squandering money on him, but it’s never reciprocal?
He might do it directly, or sometimes it would be just an indirect hint about what he likes. A gentleman would never do that, especially if he was already married. Could this not be one of the biggest warning signs a married man is using you?
If you are the one always paying for his dinner or hobbies, then, sister, get the hell out of this relationship!
Sign # 4: Your Absence Is A Sigh Of Relief To Him
When you are away, are you always the one texting him and checking up on him to know if he is all right?
Does he reply back regularly or just keep finding silly reasons to have missed your calls or replied to your texts?
A guy who is really into you would always check up on you when apart. If he does not do so, you really don’t matter to him.
Sign 5: There Is No Sleep Over
A guy who is just looking for a fling would never let it become anything more than that. Coming over just for sex and leaving right after is just a clear sign that you are nothing more than a side-chic to him.
A man who is just using you would always find reasons to dodge your invitations for a sleepover, and asking you to his place would never come up. It is one of the most definitive signs a married man is using you.
Sign 6: He Never Puts In That Extra Effort To Make You Happy
Courtship is important in any relationship. It is one of the prime things that we girls appreciate and enjoy.
When he doesn’t make any effort to create meaningful experiences or small moments of happiness and joy, then he is not looking for anything serious with you.
Keeping you happy never was – and would never be – in his plans.
“You can’t save a relationship unless both people are equally invested. It takes a joint effort to make it work. One person trying will never be enough.” — Tony Gaskins
Sign 7: Your Feelings Hardly Matter To Him
When you find your man constantly acting selfish and doing things that only make him happy, then my dear, trust me, he is not the one!
You are just with him to satisfy his needs, and what you want or think means nothing to him.
Whether you cry or become sad, he would hardly put any effort into making you smile. That’s not the kind of man anyone should put up with!
Sign 8: He Goes Off the Grid Frequently
Do you find him mysteriously going off the grid on a frequent basis? Do you ever find out where he was, or does he make you feel like it was none of your business?
You realize where I am going with these questions, don’t you?
I am suggesting that you may be just one of several other mistresses.
Don’t trust a man who has a habit of disappearing and then returning as if it was nothing. For all you know, he has another life planned elsewhere, and he is just using you for his needs.
Sign 9: He Prioritizes His Wife Over You
Just think about it! Why is his wife still a priority if he is not using you? If he wants to take your relationship to the next level, then he would put all his focus on you instead of his wife.
“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you’ll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.” — Ann Landers
He is simply using you when you constantly feel that he still does things to keep his wife happy.
If he planned a future with you, then what’s the point in giving all the attention (and money, of course) to his wife? Do you still believe that you are his soul mate?
If you find that this is true for you, then when is now a good time for you to hold yourself as a high value woman and attract only the best men?
There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
(Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Sign 10: You Are Allowed To Call Him At Specific Times Only
Remember the rule that you need to follow about calling him anytime? When he has this absurd rule that you can only talk to him during specific hours, it is a clear sign that he is using you.
The only reasonable explanation to create such a rule is that you come second (or third or fourth), and that he plans to use you only for those specific hours of his day.
You are nothing more than a mistress to him. You can reach him only when convenient to him. See, how ludicrous this sounds?
Sign 11: When It Feels You Are Just A Couple Of Strangers Humping Each Other
Women have instincts, and on most occasions, what they feel is very true. Besides sex, if nothing else connects you, I won’t even call it a relationship.
If you guys never talk about his life or if he has never shown any interest to know about your personal life, then it’s nothing more than the satisfaction of lust for him.
And if you already had this feeling of fear in your heart (even before you read this blog), my dear, you already knew that he is using you. Just put a stop to this relationship now! To help you do this swiftly, here is How To Distance Yourself From A Married Man in 7 Easy Steps.
Sign 12: You Are Dead To Him When You Deny Sex
The majority of men cheat for the prime reason of sex. You will find him happy on the days you don’t refuse sex. But the scenario changes when you start denying him any form of physical satiation.
Just try this to get to know the real him!
If he behaves as if he has nothing more to do with you or if his interest in talking depletes to zero, this relationship is just a meaningless affair.
Sign 13: He Checks Out Other Women In Your Presence
I don’t know why, but my personal experience with men has shown me that if he really loves you, even a bra-less hottie would fail to get his attention.
But when a man has no problem checking out other women (without any concern for your presence), then you are just being used by him. He would waste no time jumping into the undies of the next girl after you are gone.
Don’t lose Hope
Getting into a relationship with a married man is not wrong, but is always a risky venture for you. This article aimed to give you a clear insight into the signs a married man is using you.
The chances are that you have already observed these shocking traits in your relationship. There is no need to feel disheartened. Rather, you should feel blessed that you were smart enough to uncover his true intentions before it was too late.
Varsha is a writer and mother of a beautiful son. She has a dual Master’s degree in Business Management (Finance & Marketing) and Career Counselling certification. Her passion for learning led her to the teaching domain, where she shares the knowledge she gained over the years through education and personal life. She teaches students of ATMC College Melbourne (as a Management Faculty).