Wondering how to pull away to make him want you?
You’re in the right place.
Staying mysterious and aloof is a great way to make your man want you more, but the key is that you have to do it with good intent.
Pulling away to make him want you is a simple concept in theory, but can be hard to master in practice, because we tend to want to do what feels safe and convenient.
Additionally, it can be difficult to navigate how far to pull away without making him want to pull away and become too distant or potentially losing interest.
To help you, here are 8 steps to help you pull away and have him wanting more.
MORE: When He Pulls Away, Do Nothing: 5 Reasons This Telegraphs Your HIGH Value.
Step #1: Understand the Value of Pulling Away
What’s the value of pulling away?
Are you aiming to give him the silent treatment or cause him suffering?
Or do you just want to live your best life without worrying about him anymore?
First let’s look at the definition of “pulling away”
According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, pulling away means:
“To draw oneself back or away : withdraw. To move off or ahead.”
The dictionary didn’t say anything about deliberately causing hurt, so we can conclude that pulling away is a simple action of moving away from a man emotionally or physically.
But I’d like to add that if it’s done out of malice, you won’t attract a healthy man or healthy relationship.
So the first thing to do is to understand the true value of pulling away, which is not to deliberately cause hurt to a man, but to give some space to yourself and to him!
And to give space with the specific purpose of bringing you two closer.
It’s not for the purpose of playing games, (at least not malicious games).
And that’s the first key for how to pull away to make him want you.
By the way, if your guy has pulled away, it’s important to stay high value and hold yourself as high value, so that you don’t act in a way you will regret.
If you want to learn the exact steps to stay high value in every context in which a guy pulls away, check out our program “How to Stay High Value When He Pulls Away.”
(The promise of this course is for you to learn the secret to showing up & staying as a high value woman when your man pulls away, so that he can come back to you with more interest, more desire & more appreciation for you.)
Step #2: Respectfully Communicate that You Value the Relationship Before Pulling Away.
When you pull away, it does not mean you are giving up on the relationship.
It is an action that indicates that you value yourself, your time and your energy.
Understanding how to pull away to make him want you requires you to be aware that when you do step back and give him space, it does not mean that the relationship is over.
So what you need to do first is communicate that you value the relationship and the man you have the relationship with.
You don’t have to explain that you need to pull away or even that you need time to yourself.
You can just let him know that the relationship means a lot to you or that you value and respect him, to establish that you have good intent in the things you choose to do.
So go ahead and do that first.
Why do this?
Because it helps you pull away with the right mindset and purpose.
Related: When A Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off: Why & 6 Powerful Things To Do.
You want to make the effort to honour the relationship that you do have with him, so that you don’t get carried away with negative intent (which is highly possible when you’re feeling afraid, threatened or angry with him).
Remember, as angry or hurt as you might be by him, you don’t want to add insult to injury.
And that is actually what most women who are scared will do: make a bad situation worse.
So let’s get into the next actions you need to take if you want to master pulling away in a high value way…
Step #3: Avoid Predictability.
To help keep your man interested, avoid being too predictable – within yourself and with your own activities.
He won’t stay interested if you are constantly doing the same things every day and never get outside of your comfort zone or challenge your worldview.
Try to shake things up by taking an impromptu trip by yourself somewhere or doing something spontaneous and exciting.
You can even commit to a new interest or make a new friend.
What’s the point of this?
To bring more to the relationship through having multiple interests.
When you make an effort to learn more about the world or to master an art/skill, you have more esteem and you become more interesting as a person through your experiences and interests.
On the topic of predictability, in step 4 I’m going to give you an advanced strategy to create unpredictability and deep emotional attraction:
Step #4: Communicate With Him Using Push And Pull.
Push and pull communication is a great way to pull away artfully and make him desire you ten fold more than he ever has.
Why?
Because it’s a playful method to make yourself a high value woman and build attraction.
But first: what is push and pull communication?
It’s when you consciously give opposing statements in order to create anticipation, excitement and uncertainty, which is necessary for emotional attraction to occur.
The key as to why push and pull is so powerful is this:
It gives you a way to escape the predictability that comes with life.
So let’s look at one examples quickly here:
You say:
“Hey, I like your shoes. Pity about your hair though. [insert playful emoji here].”
To women, this type of comment often looks mean, but it’s not when it’s done in the way it’s meant to be done: with playfulness in mind.
And masculine men need this kind of communication in order for you to create that spark, that excitement and that deep sense of attraction.
It also speaks to the mind of healthy masculine men because masculinity grows through challenge.
Healthy, securely attached men are used to bantering or using push and push with each other to create strength among each other and build trust in their relationships.
Now back to push and pull.
Push and pull challenges him in a way that builds attraction.
It creates positive tension. Specifically, romantic tension that adds to your high value and allows you to banter and build emotional attraction.
Would you like more examples of push and pull banter that will help you build emotional attraction with the “BEST” of men and eliminate the low quality men?
Here are some push and pull examples you can try out today. Come and take D.Shen’s Free High Value Banter class here.
Step #5: Show Confidence and Courage.
Showing your confidence and courage should be the third step on how to pull away to make him want you.
Why?
Because men lose interest when a woman has little esteem and confidence in herself.
It’s ok to not feel confident all the time, that’s normal.
But it’s low value to not attempt to build some confidence within yourself.
It does nothing for your relationship when you are always taking the easy way out or using your low self esteem as an excuse.
It’s much better you actively try to build intrinsic confidence within yourself and show it through your actions.
Make sure he knows you are a strong woman who is not always ready to take crumbs or drop everything – even before he’s earned your trust.
MORE: Breadcrumbing: What it Is, Signs & How To Stop It.
But that’s not all there is to confidence – you also need to show that you have thoughts of your own and that you’re resourceful enough to take care of yourself when required.
Of course, it is important to be able to show you need a man in a committed relationship.
But at the same time, it’s good to show that you’re still capable of taking care of yourself and living your life to the fullest without him.
This takes a strong sense of courage and self worth though.
Having a strong sense of self-worth is attractive to your lover so make sure you communicate your strength and courage in how you speak and how you act.
Step #6: Build Anticipation by Not Constantly Being in Contact.
The next step for how to pull away to make him want you is building anticipation.
When you deny your lover something they want they become more eager to get it.
Don’t immediately answer your guy’s calls or messages; wait a few hours, or even a day, before responding.
This will build intrigue and keep him wanting more of you.
Don’t hold out so long that it makes him feel like you’re playing mind games though.
Just put your energy into something else for a day and let him see what it’s like when you don’t respond immediately and are not always available to him.
Step #7: Give Him Space.
Giving him space is an essential part of how to pull away to make him want you.
Relationships are like a plant; they need nurturing (water, food and sunshine) to grow and thrive.
In human relationships, this means having enough care for the relationship to give him space when he needs it.
So don’t smother your man with too much attention or always be asking for his attention.
How do you do this?
If you sense that he needs time, don’t chase him!
Instead pull away yourself by focusing on something you enjoy, this will give you the time you need to connect with yourself as well.
Step #8: Create a Sense of Curiosity.
When it comes to how to pull away to make him want you, creating a sense of curiosity is key.
To create more intrigue and drive within him to claim you, leave some things to his imagination.
Don’t always explain everything, or open up fully and completely, explaining every last thought you have.
Some women, especially women who have a lot of anxiety, will over-explain and talk about things they don’t need to talk about, just to regulate their own anxiety.
So if you know you’re the anxious type, just relax and breathe a little. It’s ok.
You also don’t need to give him constant reports of what is happening during your day – instead let him ask you about it.
Let him wonder sometimes.
When creating a sense of curiosity, be sure to leave something unexplained, or a mystery unsolved.
How to pull away to make him want you involves withholding some information, so that he will be enticed and eager to learn more about you.
Be creative with how you pull away and how you word things in order to keep your lover wanting more.
For example, share a story about something that happened in your life, but when asked for additional details, simply ask him: “Can you guess what happened?” Or “I’ll explain more tomorrow.”
Step #9: Stop Doing Everything for Him.
If you want to know how to pull away to make him want you, then you need to stop doing everything for him.
Instead of catering to every need and whim of your lover, let him do some of the work.
And when you do something for him, you can also consider asking him to reciprocate in some way.
Step #10: Focus on Yourself Before Him.
When attempting to pull away to make him want you, it is important to focus on yourself before him.
Why? Because this ensures that you are self-contained and are not constantly orienting your energy towards him.
If your goal is to pull away to make a guy miss you or want you more, then you need to be able to orient your energy and time towards yourself.
This helps you invest less energy on him that he’s not spending on you.
Which is going to be hyper important if you are going to get your power and your value back (and his interest in the process).
The reasoning behind this is that if you over-exert your energy on him when he’s not doing the same for you, you run the risk of acting low value and pushing him away (because he’ll feel you trying to hang off him in a desperate way).
So here’s how to get yourself back on track:
Take at least 2-4 hours each day to focus on things that you are passionate about or that make you feel fulfilled and complete.
This includes spending time with friends, reading a book, or taking up a new hobby.
By the way, it will help you to know the 7 common signs a woman is low value in the eyes of men…
There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?
- (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.)
Step #11: Be Your Most Feminine And Attractive Self.
Arguably the most important step for making a guy want you badly is to maximise your femininity and therefore your attractiveness.
Now, not every woman who is feminine is always going to be attractive, but being feminine certainly helps.
So here’s how to be more feminine:
- Practice being nurturing to others
- Embrace your softness: Femininity is often associated with softness, so allow yourself to be gentle and nurturing towards others.
- Dress in a more feminine way: Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful and feminine, such as dresses, skirts, and blouses.
- Take care of your appearance: Pay attention to your grooming habits and take care of your hair, skin, and nails.
- Wear makeup: Experiment with different types of makeup to find what works for you and enhances your natural beauty.
- Practice good posture: Stand up straight with your shoulders back and head held high to exude confidence and grace.
Would you like to discover exactly how naturally feminine you are actually?
Find out for yourself with our quick and easy quiz!
Final Words
Following the above steps can help you make your lover want you more.
Remember, it is important to pull away with good intent.
Only then can you be confident and secure in the relationship while still giving him space and building anticipation.
Showing that you have your own life and interests can help you pull away and make him want you more.
You should also be mindful of being too predictable and do not always give in to his every need as that can lead to boredom.
Wishing you all the very best in love and life!
Penny is a writer and part time dating coach. She lives in Brisbane, Queensland with the love of her life, their two daughters and their three dogs. Penny is passionate about helping women realize their high value and harness the innate feminine energy that they were born with.
Beautifully said Penny! You must first understand and have self love before you can accept someone else into your heart.